Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize