this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
