Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
is that a dick in a sweater?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
