no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
