I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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