You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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