saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
