rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
