Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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