Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
