I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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