my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
