Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
