It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
