Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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