fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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