My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
