We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
