Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my being single is dangerous.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
