I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
