After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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