And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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