Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
