I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
