She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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