Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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