That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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