genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
