I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
