My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize