I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
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