Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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