Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
