'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
