matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
