Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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