New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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