Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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