i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
