He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
