I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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