I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
