She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
