Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
