Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
