tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
