phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
