thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
