I just made out with a guy for $7.
I puked a lego.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
