My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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