She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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