He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
