after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
