hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
