I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
