i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
there's paper in my vomit.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My feet surprised me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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