but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
