I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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