PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
