Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
