so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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