get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
