put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
