Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
