Need sex. Gaining weight.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I love you. Go after that dick
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
