So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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