how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
