We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
