It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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