dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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