I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
