I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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